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An Agoraphobic on the Road, Part 1: Who's Really Driving

© Katherine E. Rabenau

I want to share a bit about what it is like being a beginning driver at the age of 54. Ow! And also - Wow! For my particular brand of agoraphobia, I think being comfortable behind the wheel of a car will open up new worlds for me. There's a big driveway/parking area around the house here and the post office next door has a good sized parking lot, so when I first got the car, I shakingly just practiced right here without going onto the road. My landlord has been a great good sport and rode with me on my first jaunt around the yard. Then he persuaded me to just go a few hundred yards up the road and turn around. I didn't want to, but I did it anyway. And then a couple of days later he even let me drive him into Narrowsburg, my longest road trip to date. He's a patient teacher and has got me driving more in the middle of the lane, rather than right at the far edge of the road where my anxiety about running into anyone else makes me tend to want to ride.

After that he persuaded me to drive myself around the lake and on some of the back roads around here. I've done it almost every day and much to my amazement am no longer struggling to get to 30 miles per hour. Nope. Not struggling at all. Have to remind myself to slow down on the 20 mph turns around here and even catch myself whizzing away at 40 and 45 mph. Oh my. And I don't panic quite so much now when I see another car. I'm holding my place in the middle of the road (mostly) and not veering to the edge of the lane. I'm getting almost comfortable. I really enjoy driving - especially when there's nobody else on the road. I know that I have to get used to the idea of traffic eventually, but for now I'm content with back roads and very few cars.

As I do meet cars, I'll have to learn to stand my ground. This is a big lesson for me not just on the road but maybe being on the road will help me to carry that over into the rest of my life. I'm told that the locals around here aren't much for the speed limit and I'm told also that they have no compunction about tail-gaiting either, so it will be a challenge for me to not let my people-pleaser take over and either go faster than I'm comfortable going or let myself be driven off the road. Seems there are lots of good life lessons to be learned behind the wheel and hopefully I will learn them.

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