Blue Moon

Here I am at the last minute again, racing against the passing of time. I wonder if I will ever lose my penchant for procrastination. I hope so, but I'm not counting on it. Sigh.

Tonight is a Blue Moon - the rare occurrence of two full moons in a single month. The next blue moon will be in November of 2007, I think. A couple of friends and I are going to do a special ceremony tonight. We are creating a ritual in which each of us can choose to either release something which no longer serves us or to invoke healing to some aspect of ourselves which has lain dormant or.... It's a pretty open ended event. Of course, procrastinator that I am, I haven't decided what to do yet. Sometimes it's really irritating being me. Double sigh.

On a happy note, my disability did get approved on the first try, no hassles, no begging and pleading. It was almost effortless on my part. Whew. Miracles do happen.

I've been working - well meeting with some other people who are working (I am something of a problem student) - through a course called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It is a great process and I'm hoping that I can get myself motivated to actually start doing the work instead of just supporting others and explaining why I didn't do my homework again this week. There are some incredible exercises. One of the ones I didn't really do last week (Chapter 3) was a simple free-association assignment to finish a list of sentences about yourself. I think they might provide some good insights for recovering agoraphobics too. Among my favorites are:

1. If I could lighten up a bit, I'd let myself ...
2. If it weren't too late, I'd...
3. Taking time out for myself is...
4. I'm afraid if I start dreaming...
5. If I had had a perfect childhood I'd have grown up to be...
6. My parents think artists (or agoraphobics) are...
7. God thinks artitists (or agoraphobics) are...
8. What makes me feel weird about recovery is...
9. Learning to trust myself is probably...

My answers to question six are that my parents think artists are "selfish and lazy" and that they think agorphobics are lazy fakers. Interestingly enough, for what God thinks, in my unconscious mind He/She thinks that artists are "magical," but shares my parents view of agoraphbics.

This week (Chapter 4), the homework includes some "time travel" exercises. First you visit yourself at eighty and see what you have become, then have that self give some sage advice to who you are now. Then connect with yourself at age eight and have your eight year old write to the present-day you. Interesting idea. If I actually do it, I'll share it with you in next month's article.

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