10. Dating at 55, Part I
I responded to this by telling him that is no wonder why he can't find a woman with whom to settle down. What woman at any age wants a man with a Peter Pan syndrome? I realize he meant that he feels youthful, energetic, and playful; but what I heard is that he is not capable of handling an emotionally mature relationship. I also had to remind him that it does get a little tedious to constantly hear about what a great athlete he was in the past, his little boy years.
A golden rule for dating should be to not talk excessively about one's past. Subjects regarding past glory days, past marriages or relationships are not only boring, they clearly suggest that that is exactly where a person is stuck. A perfect metaphor is a person whose closet is full of clothing that hasn't been worn in years. What is the purpose for keeping all of it?? Chances are that not only is the clothing way out of style, they also no longer fit. Old clothing serves no purpose whatsoever, other than to just take up space.
Let's talk some more about this Peter Pan syndrome.. by the way, I don't know if there is such a real syndrome or not, it is a term a girlfriend and I came up with while we were discussing men. These men who suffer from this syndrome also seem to play at relationships. They want a relationship but are afraid of having one at the same time. They seem to think that a relationship will hinder or limit them in someway, I'm not sure how. In any case, there seems to be an element of fear rooted somewhere to something.
My definition of an emotionally mature relationship is where two people are open, honest and direct with one another. They are choosing to be together because of a mutual respect and interest. Both are interested enough that each is willing to put in the time and effort to explore and discover more about one another as well as one's self. Both are willing to take the same risks by being vulnerable and fearless. There shouldn't be preconceived expectations so much as a willingness to simply allow nature to take it's course. If both share in the common goal of developing a lasting friendship then anything else is an added gift and there should be no disappointments. In
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