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I'm Not Unigue...

© Peggy LeTrent

There are issues that crop up in every age gap relationship sooner or later. Mine is no exception. That causes change which in the long run, is good because it makes it much less stressful when you can work around those unique problems that creep up as time passes.

For me the age difference has never meant anything more than a set of numbers. For the most part it remains that way. But as I near my 50th birthday next year, I have had to take a look at a few things from a personal perspective that do not effect my relationship, but instead effect me personally. Because I am older than my husband by 17 years, I am forced to view my age due to menopause and mid-life.

I was never one to worry about aging until recently. I never looked my age, kept a slim, attractive appearance, and remained healthy. Then suddenly my body began betraying me by putting on weight, my hair began sprouting gray streaks, and I am finding I can't maintain the hectic lifestyle I used to handle with such ease. These things have forced me to look at things differently now. But not in a way you might think. It has not changed how I view my marriage or my husband. But instead it has changed how I view myself and how secure I feel in our relationship as a woman.

I don't worry about my husband leaving me for a younger women. What I worry about is how I will accept my own appearance as it changes from a youthful one to an older persons. I wonder if I will age gracefully or hate every waking moment of the process. I wonder if my health will suddenly deteriorate and that will place an added burden upon my husband. I wonder how I'll feel when I can't work to feel like a contributor and what I'll do in place of that. I wonder if I'll leave my husband a widow long before he is ready to handle his life without me.

While these concerns don't keep me awake at night, nor effect our marriage any, they do surface often enough within me to cause me to question my own stability at times. It is hard to look in the mirror some days and see my new shape and overall appearance. I watch what I eat but my metabolism has changed enough that genetics have their say now. It seems to be a dirty trick played on women. Men seem to age so well while women end up hating the process so much. Is it any wonder we spend money on trying to stay young looking for as long as possible. Who actually wants to really grow old? I have discovered I sure don't if it means having no control over how that process goes.

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