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What Do I Do Now?

© Peggy LeTrent

The letter below is an example of the type I receive on a regular basis from those who want advice. I thought it fitting to address this particular one, because it touches on several issues outside of the normal age gap relationship. It's purpose is to shed some light on a highly likely traumatic situation, so that others may be prevented from entering into a relationship with such a nieve mindset. I also want to clarify that I do not seek to judge anyone's relationship, nor do I believe every woman is emotionally immature. These women are genuinely asking for advice because they are uncertain of their choices and that means they care enough to ask someone else before pursuing things further. While they may or may not take the advice given, at lease they cannot say they were not warned of the disadvantages of such a relationship.

The Letter: I'm 18, and I'm deeply in love with a married, older man. He says he loves me everyday (we email each other, never miss a day) and that it's a much deeper love than for his wife. Yet, he refuses to tell her about it. Right now, we are going to meet in November, but I just don't know what comes next. I want to share my life with him.

While this female is a legal adult, she is by no means emotionally old enough to deal with the trauma usually connected with this type of relationship. In most cases the married older man has no intentions of leaving his wife, but instead is only looking for a playmate. Unfortunately the Internet has made it much easier for men to pray on innocent victims such as the young woman above.

Most young women this age lack relationship experience or they would see how devastating this whole picture really is. Granted some young woman don't care if the guy is married. But the mere fact that the older man has not told his wife of her speaks volumes. Yet she is willing to meet this man and risk being hurt. It is inconceivable to me that any young woman actually believes a married man will leave his wife for her. While it does happen, it is rare. If this man truly loved this young woman he would have left his wife before entertaining thoughts of a relationship, not the other way around. He has everything to gain and she has everything to lose.

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