More Children At My Age?

When Sharea met the love of her life, she was a twenty year old college student. Meeting 37 year old Daryl was the last thing she had ever planned. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, helping put on a coat, and giving flowers and candy on any ordinary day are just a few examples of the old fashioned love she feels an older man gives. But because Daryl was previously married and already fathered children, she worried about her future as a mother the most. She has always dreamed of having kids and the idea of step children wasn't part of the plan. Then she learned she was pregnant and feared the worst. Would Daryl leave her now? He already had a family and made it quite clear he wasn't too thrilled at the possibility of more.

For some age gap couples, children become an issue if the couple is not open to the possibility of exploring adoption or step children. Many times the older woman has grown children and is past the child bearing days while the older man doesn't see himself being strapped with children at his age, especially if he already has children from a previous marriage. While this is not always the case, it is an area that must be addressed early in the relationship development if the couple has serious intentions.

A woman must face the possibility of not having natural children of her own when she is in a relationship with an older man and then weigh her options carefully in order to either remain in the relationship or leave it behind. A younger man must face the same issues. For him natural children may or may not be a must. In my personal experiences with others in a YM/OW relationships, it is the man who embraces step children more easily and does not need biological children to remain with her. It all boils down to one significant factor...it is an individual decision based on that persons needs. As in the case of Sharea, the subject of children had not been discussed prior, leaving her to face the real possibility that the relationship would end because she became pregnant.

Sharea's story ends on a happy note. She is now married to Daryl and expecting their child very soon. But for others it has gone the other direction. There is no set answers for this area in an age gap relationship. And for the one who thinks once married, they can change the other person's mind, is playing a deadly game and it could back fire. Love simply isn't enough to sustain the relationship if the issue of children isn't a perfect fit for both parties involved. Sooner or later the unmet needs will cause problems in the relationship to the point where it deteriorates and then dissolves all together.

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