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What's The Attraction?

© Peggy LeTrent

Long before I entered into an age gap relationship personally, I wondered how a young man could be attracted to an older woman and vise versa. One of my neighbors was eleven years older than her husband and I always wanted to ask her about it but never got up the nerve. She looked so much older than him and it made me question what the attraction was for him more than her. What did he see in his gray haired wife? And why wasn't he married to someone his own age? Was there something wrong with him? Did he have a mother complex? A very dysfunctional childhood? And what about her...was she trying to relive her youth? Was she going through a mid-life crisis? Or was she desperate?

As complex as it seemed, none of these applied, at least to this couple. They met in an ordinary way, began dating, and got married. Their ages had nothing to do with their relationship the way many of us might think. They were attracted to each other the same way other couples are.

So what is the attraction then? It's like anything else in life. People have different preferences for those they date. And there are many who until they meet and begin developing a relationship with an older woman, never gave it a thought. They don't plan it, it just happens.

Most men I have spoken to about this have told me they find older women attractive for several reasons. Younger men find the mental stimulation challenging, their self confidence and maturity refreshing, and the fact that the older woman knows what she wants. They find women their own ages for the most part, immature, lazy, unsatisfied, and hard to please. There is nothing wrong with these men. They just don't see the sense in pursuing something that has too many pitfalls connected to it so they opt for more.

This has not always been the case in years past. A new generation has been brought up differently, therefore seeks different things women than before. This generation has grown up with equality standards, knowing how to cook, clean, spend time with children, and how to take care of themselves. They are a very independent breed of men who don't want to wait until their women mature in order to have a decent relationship. They want it from day one. So when they look for their ideal mate they are looking for someone who can match what they are accustomed to and that will enhance what they have already deemed as acceptable for themselves.