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Social Skills in Our Children

© Susan Ward

To succeed with friends, classmates, and later in jobs, and with spouses, there are basic social and emotional skills our children need to learn. Some psychologists suggest that social and emotional development is equally important to cognitive development in order to be happy and succeed in life.

Children need to learn relationship competencies including taking turns, sharing, greetings, helping, following directions, kind words, sympathy for others, and more. Some children learn these quite easily through a combination of watching others and reminders from parents and teachers. Other children need extra training and education in order to learn these skills. Children that struggle to learn these skills may suffer from various biological or psychological impairments that necessitate extra social skills training.

Social and emotional skills are learned through a combination of modeling quality examples, being taught how the skill looks when successfully implemented, hearing positive reinforcement when the skill is successfully implemented, and consequences when a child chooses not to implement an appropriate social skill.

Social skills are like building blocks. Children need to learn the first levels before they can proceed to the next level. For example, a child cannot learn to read non verbal social cues until they are able to identify basic emotions in other people. Children cannot develop empathy for others until they are able to identify and express their own emotions.

Social skills begin with developing a sense of self and then playing near other children. Slowly children learn the steps of playing with other children, sharing with others, verbalizing needs and preferences, appropriate conflict resolution, and eventually developing sympathy and empathy.

If your child seems at a loss when interacting with other children, or is often shunned by children her own age, she may need some remedial at-home coaching. Here are a few things to consider when helping your child learn to become more socially competant:

 Estimate what age your child is when it comes to social and emotional abilities.  Backtrack to that age, and begin building new social skills.  Use games, puppets, and stories to help your child learn their new skills.  Practice the new skill with you and family members.  Provide opportunities for your child to try out their new skill with other children. Try to find ways for your child to practice with younger children until they build their confidence.  After they have mastered one new skill, add another.

Many of our older adopted children need multiple interventions, therapies, and mentoring to help them meet their full potential. Social skills development should not be ignored. Their ability to successfully interact socially will impact their success in school, their career path, and their lifelong relationships.