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Before You Adopt...10 Things to Do

© Susan Ward

Yes, you need to find a good adoption agency or facilitator to deal with. Yes, you need to do all the paperwork. But there are other considerations, no matter what age you adopt, or whether it's domestic or international.

1. Talk to other adoptive parents. Find parents who've had an easy time, and a challenging time. Ask lots of open-ended questions.

2. Find a support group to join. An adoption support group will be helpful before you adopt, and even more helpful after your child is home.

3. Decide what your "snappy comeback" will be when friends, family, and acquaintances say things like, "Why would you want to adopt?" Or, "You know, this child will never love you like a real child." Or, "How can you be doing this? Haven't' you heard about the child who was adopted and ….?"

4. Make a worst case scenario list of potential physical, emotional, or behavioral issues that your future child might have. Find out what kind of coverage your insurance will give you if your child has any of these.

5. Find a pediatrician. When interviewing them over the phone, find out their experience with adoption-related issues, and especially international adoption medical and post-institutionalized issues, if you're adopting internationally.

6. Create a low-key plan for the first few weeks and months when your child is home. Educate yourself and your family about the importance of creating quiet, non-stimulating time for you to bond with your new child, without lots of activities and extra people around.

7. Educate yourself about how bonding and attachment occurs between parents and children in an adoptive family. Do not assume that it will "just happen on its own."

8. Become knowledgeable about the developmental stages of the age child who are adopting. Assume that on some topics, they will behind developmentally, and learn about characteristics of younger children, too.

9. If you're about to become a first-time parent, be sure you have a support system in place to help out when you're sick or when you need a break.

10. Learn about issues of grief, loss, trauma, and abandonment in children who were adopted. All children who were adopted will be impacted by these topics in varying ways.

Becoming a parent is both exciting and challenging. Adoptive parents, however, have a few extra issues and topics to deal with. Be as prepared as possible before your child comes home, and keep educating yourself even after she's home.