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A Working Family: Part 6 of Becoming a Family

© Susan Ward

A Working Family: Blending the Past, Present, and Future

Right now, in our family development, I'm asking myself questions and looking for future solutions. If almost surprises me to have this available energy. For so long, I could not think beyond my own physical self-protection and my daughter's emotional survival.

How do we build on what we've learned? How do I make sure her mental talents are challenged? How do I help her build on her physical abilities? How do I make sure there are male role models and couples in her life? Should I think about a sibling? How do I blend her past and her present, and give her emotional strength for the future? How do we get more information from Russia about her past? How do I help fill the 'whole' in her heart related to her past? How do I thoughtfully answer questions such as, "But WHY do families love each other?"

In the past two weeks, I've stopped knocking on wood when I tell someone the meltdowns are over. Even though they may be gone, I realize that Hannah is a strong-willed, extremely bright child who will test me every step of our lives! :-) My goal now, is to help her channel that inner strength. At the same time, I remind myself, that even though she seems extremely self- sufficient, she still needs the tools to live and grow as part of a family.

Through my reading, our continuing visits to the therapist, and my gut instincts about my daughter, I'm endeavoring to do the following:

*Help her talk about her scary thoughts and dreams connected to her past.

*Help her talk about her scary thoughts and dreams connected to fearing she'll lose me.

*Remind her that life is a series of hellos and good-bys.

*Help her to work through her grief over what she has left behind in Russia.

*Keep working on emotion words.

*Make Russia and her birth family seem part of her life, not just her past, i.e. life book, sharing photos of her brothers, prayers at night for her birth family, having Russian dinners, etc.

*Acknowledge the tough times when she lived with her birth mother, but try and find positive attributes i.e. "I bet Irena was smart just like you are. That's something we often get from our birth parents." Or, "Irena was very good about taking you to the doctor when you were a baby. We have all that information in our papers from Russia."

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