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How Can I Feel Better About Myself?

© Valerie de Armas

If you’ve read many of my articles, you realize that I like to talk about the positive aspects of ADHD. After all, we beat ourselves up enough, don’t we? Today, however, I’m going to talk about something that’s well known to all of us with ADHD and most of us aren’t very positive about it – it’s our self –esteem.

ADDers self-esteem suffers initially because of those well-meaning people—our friends, family and teachers – who know we are capable of more and who don’t understand that the problem is ADD. They tell us things like, “Pay attention,” “Try harder,” “You’re lazy,” “You can make better grades than this,” and the list could go on and on and on. Sometimes it’s hard not to say these things. As a parent, I know I’ve said some of them and I know what the problem is. I can’t imagine how frustrated my parents must have been not knowing what the problem was! Whether our well-meaning relatives know about ADD or not, hearing these things can have a negative effect on our self-esteem. We begin to believe the labels that others have placed on us…underachiever…irresponsible…unmotivated… We begin to feel like we really are lazy or that if we tried harder we really could accomplish more. In truth, that would be like telling a blind person to concentrate a little harder and they could see.

The first thing we need to learn as ADDers whose self-esteem is suffering is that we are worth bothering with. Sometimes we forgo treatment or help because we don’t feel like we’re worth it. Let me tell you now, it is worth it to get better and start feeling better about yourself. As ADDers, many of us look for things to make us feel better – we change jobs frequently looking for the perfect match for us, we divorce or break up with our spouse or significant other. (We ADDers are great at blaming others – whether it’s a boss or a spouse—for some of our problems). We have to realize that these changes won’t necessarily make the difference that we’re looking for.

We have to face who we are in light of our disability. This can be incredibly difficult for those ADDers like me who grew up never knowing it was a disability. I came to believe that I had a weird character flaw that I couldn’t seem to overcome. I was 33 years old still wondering what I wanted to be when I grew up. An ADD diagnosis was, in many ways, a wonderful thing for me. There was a reason behind all my quirkiness! And, because I had a reason, I could start on the task of rebuilding my self-esteem. It hasn’t been easy, and I still have a long way to go, but now I know I’m worth the journey. I’m worth the cost of the medication that helps me accomplish more in my life. I’m worth the extra effort it takes me to do things that others seem to take for granted. And you know what? You’re worth the effort, too! Until next time…

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