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Don't Touch Me!

© Valerie de Armas

I hate tags. Like the tags that are sewn into the neck of a T-shirt or blouse. Never have been able to tolerate them. I've ripped tags out (and sometimes the shirt itself) because I had to get rid of a tag right now!

You don't see much written about ADD and the sense of touch, but I know that many with ADD have similar experiences with tags, types of material and other things that we come in contact with. It's hard to pay attention to something else when all you can think of is the way your shirt feels. I don't like the way certain materials feel. Don't give me anything remotely rough. I don't care if it's fashionable, I won't wear it. Give me cotton or at least a blend that is soft to the touch, but not slick - I hate silky materials, too. I admit that it is very hard to go shopping with me.

ADDers tend to feel and experience things more intensely than the average person. In fact, Jeffrey Freed, an educational therapist, noted in his book, "Right Brained Children in a Left Brained World" that "next to hearing prowess, the most prevalent sensory characteristic of extremely right brained, ADD children is touch sensitivity. They really do seem to feel more than other children do." (Freed, Parsons, p58)

Mothers have noted that many ADD children don't like to be held and cuddled when they're babies. I had the same experience with one of my children - my extremely hyperactive and entertaining 4 year old. My other babies found comfort in being held. Abigail was irritated by it. She didn't want to be bundled and held close, she didn't need the distraction. In fact, when she was born, they put the little hospital cap on her head and she reached up and threw it in the floor. They had to bundle her up tightly to keep the hat on her head. She really didn't like that! Abigail was not and is not a cuddly, snuggly child, unless it's on her own terms.

Now, I'm not saying that ADD children don't need to be touched or loved, many times they need more love because their lives can be difficult, but it needs to be on the child's terms and on the child's timetable. I learned that Abigail needed to be given space, but that she also could use that loving hug when she was ready for it. ADD children (and adults for that matter) need to know what to expect. Make sure that a touch is expected and that it is a firm touch. Light touches tend to be irritating - light touches remind me too much of that tag at the back of my neck, but a firm pat on the back is okay.