Making it Back to Where We Once Were

If we haven't died, landed in jail for a long term visit, or been put into some other institution to stay, those folks who do become sober can face a life of various changes and challenges.

Some of us have lost our jobs or careers, maybe our homes and families, or even worse. We are given the seemingly insurmountable tasks of starting over in our lives. We do so without the old crutches of booze or pills that we used before. And those first several months in sobriety don't find us with minds that are that clear, not quite yet.

Getting sober is one thing: staying that way and making ourselves a new life is another. This can simply be so damn scary in the beginning that many can and do relapse, falling back into the old deep trenches dug for themrselves in the recent past. Sure, it's miserable, regrettable and often deadly, but it is a misery that we had grown accustomed to. Why leave the known when the unknown can seem so terrifying?

When AAers say "take it one day at a time', I think it means several different things in different contexts. In one use it can mean staying sober this day, and worrying about tomorrow only when tomorrow gets here. Another meaning can apply to those who are starting over in some facets of their lives, that we can only change, fix, and repair a limited amount of stuff in a 24 hour period of time.

In other words, no one can expect us to fix our career, family, and living situations as soon as we begin sobriety. It simply takes time, and more time for some than others. It also takes a lot of patience, patience for ourselves and the patience of those around us.

Good, lasting change happens slowly. It took some years for us to wake up and finally submit to the help we needed. It will take a few more years to settle back into sober lives. Take it easy. Take it one day at a time.

We used to live close to Washington, DC, the northern area of Virginia, and to us it seemed like any other growing, crazy suburban sprawl of the U.S. Life seemed too fast, although the traffic was too often too crowded and thus too slow. New shopping malls, new stores and strip malls, businesses dying and being reborn into something else overnight, it seemed. With some regrets we moved into rural Pennsylvania, and now, ten years later, we wouldn't have it any other way. Here, change is very, very slow, and that can be bad, stifling to businesses but rather nourishing to the soul. We're very glad that our son did most of his schooling here, where neighborhoods have remained quiet and stable, where someone landing in jail is as uncommon, unlikely as it was 70 years ago. We're also pleased with it because things are slow and there's plenty of time to listen and to think.

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