What Should I Say?

How do you answer such direct and sometimes painful questions as "Why are you trying so hard?", "Are you sure you're doing it right?", and "Why don't you just adopt? You will get pregnant if do."

Everyone, including total strangers, will ask you a silly question concerning your reproductive life. For the couple dealing with infertility, either primary or secondary, these are not easy questions to answer. Being prepared with 'come backs' and quips can help to relieve the 'pressure' of answering them, and will also let the questioner know just 'how much' is any of their business.

Lets start with the "Are you sure you're doing it right?" question. There are several ways that you could answer this question. A direct answer of "Yes!" pretty much does it, and let's the questioner know that it is none of their business. You can also take a more humorous approach and answer with "You mean that going to the doctor, having my legs put in stirrups, and having the doctor remove my eggs so they can be fertilized in a petri dish by my partner's sperm, and then going back three days later so they can be put back into my uterus is the wrong way? But I so enjoy it every cycle!" Not only does this kind of response let the questioner know how silly their question was, but it also let's them know that you do know the right way and this is it for you.

The "Why are you trying so hard?" and other questions and statements similar to it such as "You will get pregnant if you just relax (go on vacation, have sex in a hot tub, etc.)" can be answered a few different ways. You can be blunt with the questioner and say "We (relaxed, went on vacation, or didn't try hard) for _____ years, and we did not get pregnant. What makes you think that would suddenly work now?" or "If we had sex in a hot tub, all that would happen is that my (partners) sperm would get killed, and we would have to wait another three months to start trying again!" Another way to answer is by stating the facts with "We have to try hard (can't relax, go on vacation) because I don't ovulate without medication (my tubes are blocked, he has a low count, etc.). If we stop now, we won't suddenly get pregnant." Of course, there is always the humorous quip of "Oh my gosh! You must have discovered the miracle solution to infertility!" followed by 'the look' that says you must be kidding.

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