The State of Things, Part II - Page 2

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Page 2

Apr 8, 2003

Fox

Man, this is one shi**y network. Both in regards to primetime and Saturday mornings. Their much-hyped Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles makeover has failed on all possible levels with this reviewer. This update of an action classic not only plays it safe all the way (meaning, not making the material fresh and original and not taking chances), but the plots for some of the episodes (one in particular, "Meet Casey Jones") are downright atrocious-and I'm being diplomatic by calling 'em that. The characters feel thrown together like a factory-made boy band, lacking even a hint of chemistry or anything of significant substance whatsoever. The creators might as well have put the toy models that the producers intend to sell on-screen, as stand-ins for the animated characters that we expect to see, and attempt to craft a story from there. That would be honesty in motion.

But I really want to bash one of the worst episodes that I have ever seen in any animated series, "Meet Casey Jones". Jesus Christ, save me. The expository dialogue introducing Casey Jones to the corrupt denizens of the street sets a record for Most Cliches Ever Used in Exposition. The Casey Jones character never fully develops, even after he meets one of the Turtles, and even after the episode ends. Casey Jones? I didn't see a need for him. He wasn't ever put to any valid use-fights and brawls don't count. Take away the character, and you also take away the reason the episode exists. The narrative structure crashes and disintegrates the minute that Casey Jones utters these moldy, exhausted lines: "You can run, but you can't hide from Casey Jones!" Only thing original about the tired maxim was the Casey Jones part.

Well, enough about that. Every other program currently airing on the Fox Box is a turkey shoot, at best an incentive to write another article about how the Fox Box represents a renaissance of merchandise-driven animated drivel.

Ideas

The animated shows that should be remade are left to rot in the vaults of their beholders. Pirates of Dark Water was a rather imaginative, even if technically limited, animated series that aired on NBC Saturday mornings in the early 90's. I'm itching to see that redone, using today's computer technology and the young talent currently at disposal (not these old geezers who think that they can churn out episodes that reek of yesterday's principles and still make the cut). Or Jonny Quest. What the hell are they doing with that show? Does the WB actually take a second out of their infinitely crammed schedules to ponder on the potential of that untapped property? They just let that series fall to the wayside, didn't even give it an appropriate series finale. While they have worthwhile action shows to carry them (Justice League, He-Man, Rurouni Kenshin, .hack//sign, and retreads X-Men Evolution,

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