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SPECTACULARLOVELYGROTESQUE!!!© ENOCH ALLEN!!!
BY ENOCH ALLEN
THE MESSAGE CONSISTS OF A FEW THINGS, NAMELY REVIEWERS OF ANIMATED FILMS. DUMB REVIEWERS AT THAT. LIKE, THE ONES SAYING HOW MUCH AN ANIMATED MOVIE SUCKS. SOME OF THEM HIT IT RIGHT ON THE NAIL. OTHERS MISS IT BY AN ENTIRE CONTINENT. SO, WHAT’S MY MESSAGE? YOU’LL FIND OUT. I KNOW THAT IT SEEMS LIKE I’M SCREAMING, BUT . . . HOWCANYOUTELLWHETHERI’MSCREAMINGIFYOUDON’TKNOWWHATMYVOICESOUNDSLIKE? THE THING IS, THIS ARTICLE IS RELATED TO ANIMATION. IN FACT, ANIMATION IS INTRINSICALLY PART OF THIS OVERLONG, BLOATED, STICK-IT-TO-THE-CRITICS-INCLUDING-MYSELF VANITY MESSAGE DESIGNED TO PROVE TO MY READERS AT SUITE 101 THAT CRITICS OF ANIMATION HAD BETTER KNOW WHAT THE CRAP THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT IF THEY WISH TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. EVERYTHING THEY SAY CAN BE USED AGAINST THEM, OR AGAINST ANIMATION. EVERYTHING I SAY CAN BE USED AGAINST ME, OR AGAINST ANIMATION. EVERTHING THAT ROGER EBERT SAYS ABOUT ANIMATION CAN BE USED AGAINST HIM, OR AGAINST ANIMATION. BECAUSE THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO CONTINUE TO IGNORE THE POTENTIAL OF ANIMATION. IN EBERT’S REVIEW OF DISNEY‘S “THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME”, HE GAVE THE FILM FOUR STARS, AND SAID THAT IT WAS A JAW-DROPPINGLY EARNEST FILM ABOUT THE ACCEPTANCE OF PEOPLE WITH PHYSICAL DEFORMITIES. I SAY THAT IT WAS A CRAP ADAPTATION OF VICTOR HUGO’S CLASSIC, TONED DOWN SO AS NOT TO SCARE THE LITTLE KIDDIES, AND FUNNY GARGOYLES AND SONGS WERE STUCK IN THERE TO MAKE THE WHOLE THING VISUALLY DIGESTIBLE FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY. NOTHING OFFENSIVE OR LEWD, YOU KNOW, JUST WATERED DOWN BEYOND BELIEF. TO MY OVERWHELMING ASTONISHMENT, THE TOUGH CRITICS PRAISED THE SPECTACLE. AND I WAS LIKE, “WHAT? ARE THESE CRITICS PILL-POPPERS OR SOMETHING?” YOU HAD TO BE COMATOSE NOT TO SEE THE INTENTION OF THE OCCURRENCES. NOTHING COULD BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY IN THE MOVIE, NOT FROLLO, NOT ESMERALDA, AND CERTAINLY NOT QUASIMODO AND THE GARGOYLES. AGAIN--I READ A REVIEW OF THE WB’S ATROCIOUS REDUX OF 1956’S “THE KING AND I”, RENDERED IN ANIMATED FORM. A REVIEWER SAID, AND I PARAPHRASE, “SPECTACULAR! THIS IS THE CLASSIC WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR!” YEAH, RIGHT. I BEGAN TO WONDER IF HE WAS JUST SAYING THAT TO GET HIS QUOTE ON THE COVER OF THE VIDEO BOX. THE 1999 ANIMATED FILM WAS NOTHING SHORT OF SCARY. THAT’S RIGHT--IT WAS SO BAD IT WAS SCARY. AND HERE IT IS AGAIN, THE DISTRIBUTION OF PRAISE TO UNWORTHY ANIMATED FILMS--ESPECIALLY SOME OF THE ONES THAT GO STRAIGHT-TO-VIDEO. AMONG THE RECENTLY PRAISED ANIMATED FILMS: “TARZAN & JANE”, “CINDERELLA II: DREAMS COME TRUE”, “RETURN TO NEVERLAND”, AND “THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME II”. BUT, I SUPPOSE THAT’S UNFAIR. I’M NOT A DISNEY-HATER--IF ONLY THEY’D GET THINGS RIGHT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, I WOULDN’T BE SO RELENTESSLY HARD ON THEM. BUT THEIR CASH-IN FILMS JUST DON’T MERIT CRITICAL PRAISE (UNLESS DESERVED). WHY? Go To Page: 1 2
The copyright of the article SPECTACULARLOVELYGROTESQUE!!! in Animation is owned by ENOCH ALLEN!!!. Permission to republish SPECTACULARLOVELYGROTESQUE!!! in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
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