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Boosting Your Self-esteem

© Flora Thomas-Guillory

I've always had a self-esteem problem. I didn't always understand why I had such a difficult time with it. Several years ago I discovered that in my situation, it was due to the years of abuse. I also discovered that I wasn't alone--that many survivors are trapped in the same cycle of low self-esteem.

My counselor helped me to recognize the destructive or negative 'self-talk' and replace it with words of encouragement and self-praise. I hadn't realized how harshly I'd treated myself. I still find it fascinating that the negative thinking and self-criticism is learned behavior and CAN be changed.

Once I began to increase my opinion of myself, I found that others followed my cue and treated me with more respect and consideration. For this reason, I usually recommend therapy or counseling for survivors who are beginning the healing process. That additional support helps until you can get back on your feet emotionally. Here are a few methods of boosting YOUR self-esteem. These are only suggestions, but as you already know, I like to share with the people I care about.

**Learn something new every day--even if it's only a new vocabulary word, a little known fact, or the name of a new coworker.

**Cultivate relationships with people who make you feel important--people whose accomplishments you admire.

**Remove from your life anybody who puts you down. Don't spend timewith people who are bad for your mental health.

**Do something every day that you do well. No matter how insignificant it may seem, any accomplishment bolsters self-esteem.

**Change those things about yourself that bother you. If you can't do anything about them, stop brooding.

**Never, never, never give up. The only thing that stands between mediocrity and excellence, between failure and success, is the little voice within you that says, 'I CAN do it.'

**Treat yourself kindly. Don't focus on your mistakes; just understand that there was a better way to do it, and promise yourself that next time you'll do it differently.

**Take risks. A single courageous act is the first step on the road to enduring self-confidence. Mistakes are not catastrophes.

**Acknowledge your shortcomings but remember that you can never be a failure as long as you've given your best effort. Set goals realistic enough to be attainable, yet difficult enough to be a challenge. Reaching your goals, no matter how small, will give you a tremendous amount of self-esteem.

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