What I will be doing here is telling secrets. If you are a multiple and you succumb to either or both of these "rituals", you may see yourself in my descriptions, but you may not like it. I call them rituals because that is what they are. A ritual is an activity, or series of actions developed by either an individual or a group of individuals to generate a specific result. The result, in most cases, is to get attention.
It is important to say here, that the need for attention is not something to just be brushed aside as inappropriate behavior or malingering. A need for attention almost always stems from family of origin and/or abuse issues and if rebuffed can lead to either violent or self destructive behavior. When an individual requires attention so desperately as to self mutilate or entertain thoughts of self destruction, that need requires an attentive response.
Now, most of the time, when one is self mutilating or considering destroying themselves, the thoughts that are going through their mind have more to do with "getting the bad out" or "stopping the pain" than they do with getting attention. Still, deep down, it is a cry for help, a plea for assistance.
Suicidal ideation is the last bastion of personal power for one who has been abused. When one experiences severe abuse, abuse that brings them in touch with the reality of death or the end of self, or self determinism, suicide is the last point at which they can say to themselves, "If I am to die anyway, or have become so damaged that life is no longer worth living, I at least have the power to take my own life." The thought of having such power, over and above the power of their abusers, the power of their pain, gives the individual strength. Sometimes it assists the abused individual in coping with the memories, the flash-backs, the sense of worthlessness that comes from a history of severe abuse.
Nevertheless, it also becomes a tool for control, long after the abuse has past. I remember using suicidal threats as a way of getting people to listen to me, to do as I asked, or to hammer home the need for them to feel sorry for me. I also found that using this tool gave me a "heady" feeling, a high if you will. That is because flirting with death gets the adrenalin flowing. This can become quite addictive, for adrenalin also causes the release of endorphins. These are chemicals produced by the brain that act on the central nervous system creating a sense of intoxication. Most street drugs are designed to mimic or trigger endorphins. This, in turn, generates a physical and psychological dependancy.
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