Retirement ain't easy. I've tried five times but have yet to succeed -- my wife, my kids, and my computer won't let me. All three insist that work keeps me young. They're right. I've already had my 60th birthday. On my next one, I'll be 59. My objective is to live like Jack Benny. According to rumor, he celebrated his 39th birthday over 39 times.
Keeping up with the grandkids is another way to stay young. However, 1000 miles separates us. Before the days of computers, grandpas and grandmas got their pictures by taking snapshots with old Kodak Brownies. Those who lived more than four hours away, via horse and buggy, were just out of luck. Things change.
GETTING STARTED
Because of the distance between the grandkids, and me I had to expose myself to the trauma of taming a headstrong, unbroken, disobedient computer. That pulled me out of retirement and forced me into computer classes where instructors spoke Computereese and frowned on the use of English -- even for those needing a crutch. Once I found out that geeks prefer to teach geeks, I decided that I had taken the wrong class. This belief was fortified when I flunked the whole course in less than three weeks. Feeling disgruntled, I slipped back into retirement.
I was re-energized when our senior's complex built a computer lab full of TRS-80s, Apple 2Cs and Wangs. Their motto was "Have Seniors Teach Seniors." That worked. Within six months, I was able to email all of my friends and family including those out of town. Eureka. My email service enabled me to reintroduce myself to my kids and my grandkids.
Within two years, I learned enough to pass myself off as a semi-literate subordinate to that electronic machine that sat on my desk. I can now communicate with my grandkids. All have computers. Not one knows how to use stamps.
KEEPING ALERT
Until computers arrived on the scene, I was sentenced to a rocking-chair retirement that put my mind in the doldrums. I was mesmerized by the soaps, "reality" shows, and ball games, making me feel, act, and look like a zombie. Fortunately, computers pulled me out of my stupor. In addition, Bill Gates did his part by rattling my complacency. Whenever I became semi-conversant with one of his programs, he changed it just enough to force me into another series of lessons for seniors. Viva la Bill. He is doing his part to keep my mind active. He's a whiz at promoting that frustrating game he calls beta testing. The gist of the game is planting thousands of bugs in a computer program and letting the customers find and report them.
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